Anita Blake: Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

Regina, sheyrena1314 on Twitter, is visiting Reading with Tequila today to discuss how Anita's evolution through the series effected her personally.

I’m a 31 year old married woman living in New York. I was raised Roman Catholic and attended Catholic schools. In third grade I picked up the Chronicles of Narnia and from that moment on I was obsessed with fantasy novels, which eventually expanded to include horror and sci fi.

A major Twilight fan, I was hesitant to read the Anita Blake series, but after falling in love with Merry Gentry, I decided to give it a shot and was hooked the moment Jean Claude was introduced. I identified with Anita in many ways – physically: I’m petite with dark curly hair; personality: outspoken, bold, ballsy, an overachiever, hell bent on proving that I don’t need a man to succeed in life. I found that I connected with Anita in ways I could never with Bella’s character. And for that reason, I held the Anita Blake series as my favorite books of all time.

As I read along from book to book, I lived along with Anita. When she cried, I cried. When she was confused, I felt confused. I totally “got” her character. I understood the love/hate attraction with Jean Claude. I even agreed with Richard seeming perfect in the beginning. And when Anita realized that she actually had strong feelings for the both of them, I sympathized with her since I was in love with two men at once and dated them simultaneously while I figured things out.

Like Anita, I believed in being faithful, dating and loving just one man, not having casual sex, etc. But as the books progressed and Anita had no choice but to open her mind (among other things) a little, well, so did I.

My lifestyle doesn’t work around a husband, a picket fence, big backyard and kids. But I woke up one day and there I was – married and living in suburbia. Anita’s progression helped me realize that what I had is not what I wanted –and that it was OK not to want that. That’s the most important thing – it’s OK to feel differently.

In Incubus Dreams when Richard walks in on Anita and Nathaniel, they have a heart to heart conversation where she admits to liking to being with two men at once. She encourages Richard to embrace who he is, and what he wants. Not what he thinks he wants. And there’s a real difference.

I’ve always felt, I should want a house and husband and family. I shouldn’t have nontraditional sexual desires or fantasies. Good, moral, intelligent women don’t stray from that mold. It’s just not right. And when Anita had to start adding men to her feedings, my heart kind of broke with her. I understood WHY she had to do it, and appreciated that she was becoming a bit more practical about the whole ardeur thing. But it still hurt. It still made me stretch outside my comfort zone, just as I’m sure Anita went through a similar ‘growing pain’.

In fact, I understood and agreed with every single decision Anita made (thinking those decisions are exactly what I would have done) until Bullet, when she allows Richard and JC to have sex with another female. For some reason, that hit me very uncomfortably. But just like the other comfort zone pushes, I’m sure I’ll stretch a bit, with some time.

Anita’s struggle with her sexuality and identity made me really focus on my own. I never thought it would be OK to be the really smart, erudite woman but who also likes comic books, inane humor like Family Guy, and maybe a threesome here and there. But now, I’ve removed the word SHOULD from my vocabulary. There are no “shoulds”. I trust that I can make ethical decisions that won’t hurt other people, so there’s no “should want to only be with one man” or “should desire to be married”. Laurell has said “There comes a point when you either embrace who and what you are, or condemn yourself to be miserable all your days. Other people will try to make you miserable; don't help them by doing the job yourself." Yep, no shoulds.

Anita’s opened up my thinking about relationships in general. These are my own opinions, and I’d never force them on others or say mine are right and yours are wrong. But, I’ve really started questioning the whole mate for life with one person/marriage thing in America. Outside of Christian territories, it’s much more likely to see polygamy – ex: Africa, the Sudan, Asia, India.

Let’s take my new favorite show for example, “Sisterwives” on TLC. Here’s the thing, it works for them. And who am I to tell them it’s wrong? There are two main emotions in life – love and fear. In Skin Trade Belle Morte says “I would rather you love me, but if not love, fear will do.” It’s clear that Kody and his family are living from love and they are happy. Or at least, they appear to be just as happy as the married couples I know. In fact, they appear happier!

Everyone needs to strike a balance in life that works for them personally – for some; it’s a little different than the socially accepted norm. When I search Twitter for “sisterwives” I am appalled at what some people are saying. It actually kind of breaks my heart how some people (including my husband) think they are an abomination. Why? Because it’s different than what they were taught was ‘acceptable’?

In my opinion, there isn’t enough love or happiness in the world, so when you get it, and you strike that balance, go with it. I’ll close with Micah’s words from Incubus Dreams, “If your life works, and you work in it, then its okay, whatever is happening is okay.”